• Katie Pahura

Understanding Grief

Grief is something you don’t really fully understand...until you lose someone that takes up a big space in your life, and your heart.

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It hits each person differently. We all have our own ways of coping, and for someone who hasn’t been through it...it’s easy for you to say what you would do in the situation.

Grief is an emotion that lurks in the back of your mind. And just when you think you’re okay, and you’ve “moved on” there will be something, it can be the tiniest of things, that will hit you out of no where.

Because the truth of the matter is....

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You don’t move on from grief. You just learn to live with it.

You could be in the middle of a business meeting.
You could be walking through the grocery store.
Driving in the car.
Working out.
Making dinner.
Hammering a nail.
Dropping something on the floor.
Passing a stranger on the street.

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Literally anything.

You NEVER know when grief is going to make its appearance.

You know how when you throw a stone in the water, the ripples start small...and then they keep getting and getting bigger and bigger? And then there are times a huge rock is rolled into the water and there is a HUGE splash, and the waves are crazy....?

That’s what grief is like.

You never know how it’s going to rear it’s ugly head. Sometimes it starts small...and sometimes it’s just right there. And when it hits you, there are times where if can feel unbearable. Like the weight of the world is sitting on your shoulders.

For those who are new to my page, or my blog, I lost my Dad very unexpectedly and quite traumatically, when I was 15. I don’t bring it up a lot, because often times it changes someone's perception of me. And I never want anyone to feel sorry for me. And mostly....because it does NOT define me.

I lost my Dad to suicide, which is a whole different thing in itself. But I share my story, as always, because I want all of you to know what I’ve been through. And I want to share my truths and to educate people who haven’t gone through a traumatic experience, and think they know what they would do, or how they would handle it.

There have been days when I’ve been in the middle of Target, and a song comes on...or I’ve literally just seen a package of the gum my Dad chewed...and I lose it.

Then there are days that a story being told reminds me of something silly he used to do, and it makes me smile.

You NEVER know how your grief is going to show up.

You can’t rush someone’s healing.

Because guess what? I hate to tell you this...but you don’t ever heal from losing a parent.

You will never be the same person. You will never be that version of yourself again.

And that’s okay.

But it’s up to you...to feel the grief when it does come. Allow yourself to let it in. Feel those emotions. Let yourself be sad, or mad, whatever it is!

And then...we keep going. Because...that’s life.

I share a small piece of my story with you today, again not for sympathy. I share my story because it’s a huge event that changed my life forever. However...I wouldn’t be who I am today without going through what I’ve been through. It’s taken a lot of years of soul searching to get to the place I am now.

Life is hard. And only seems to get harder the older we get. But please know that you are never alone. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be sad. Or you shouldn’t be angry. Or whatever emotion it is that you’re feeling!

You aren’t weak for feeling your grief...always remember you are human.

Most of all...I hope that each of you reading this...know that you’re not alone.



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